Girl Talk
by Alabaster86
Summary: Mai and Suki cement their friendship. Mai and Zuko work on their fractured relationship. For Private Fire on her birthday.


**A/N:****For Private Fire on her birthday. It was a struggle, especially considering the first half was done already, written more than a year ago. ****Enjoy and happy birthday, friend. :)**

**Girl Talk**

"Do you ever wonder what your life would be like without Zuko?" Suki sipped her tea, looking over the cup's rim at Mai. Her big eyes, a lovely greenish-blue, were full of curiosity.

"I don't have to." The raven haired girl stared back. "I lost him for three years and then again for three weeks."

"Yeah, I know." Putting her cup down, the Kyoshi Warrior brushed Mai's hand with her own, a brief touch, but one that solidified the burgeoning friendship between the two young women. "But what about now?"

"No; but sometimes I have dreams….nightmares." Mai shuddered, an almost imperceptible movement. "With the attempts on his life, the possibility is all too real."

Suki slapped her forehead, a very Sokka like gesture and mumbled an apology. How could she have been so thoughtless? "Sometimes I speak without thinking. Oh wow, maybe I'm spending _too _much time with Sokka."

"Don't worry about it. I know what you're getting at."

Relieved, Suki continued. "Sokka drives me crazy sometimes." She grinned and recalled some of the Water Tribesman's goofier moments. "And sometimes I need to get away, you know, be by myself. When you're single, you're free, in one way, free from worrying about your boyfriend and what he's doing and thinking and how your actions will affect him. All the schedule adjustments and fitting in visits can be a pain. But I guess it's different for you and Zuko. You're not torn between two places like Sokka and I are."

"That's true. And when Zuko and I are alone together, and he's not all frazzled and worried and can relax, I feel freer and more open, more _me_, than I ever have before." Tracing circles on the table with long, black lacquered nails, Mai sighed. She kept her eyes down. "Trouble is, he's not like that much."

"He's under a lot of pressure. It will get better in time. "

"I guess." The grim line of Mai's lips did not reflect the subdued optimism of her words. She worried. She wondered. And she kept it all to herself.

"What else?" A servant glided into the small sitting room with fresh tea. The two young women waited until she'd left again before continuing the conversation. "Mai, look, I know you're not the chatty, confessional type. And I respect that. But if you need to talk about something, I'll listen. I like to think that we're friends." Suki gave Mai a crooked smile. "We _are_ friends, aren't we?"

Mai shrugged. "It's not like I have a lot of experience in that area, but, yeah, I'd say so."

"Good…." Suki hesitated. "So, _is_ there something you want to talk about?"

Sitting still, her features impassive, Mai fought an internal battle before releasing a puff of air. "I think I might be losing Zuko again." She sounded surprisingly small and frightened. But beneath the fear was anger, sharp, honed by hours of solitary stewing.

"What do you mean?" The Kyoshi Warrior leaned forward, into Mai's space, eager to listen, eager to help.

Mai, in turn, leaned back a bit. She didn't like when people got too close, people other than Zuko. "He's keeping things from me. It's like I'm on the periphery of his life only. It's like I don't matter. I think the servants know more than I do."

"Oh, Mai…Have you talked to him?"

"He doesn't hear." Mai sighed once more. She crossed her arms over her chest as if protecting herself from further hurt. "And I think that I've had enough."

"What do you plan to do?"

"What would _you_ do, Suki?"

The Kyoshi Warrior didn't need to reply. Her expression said everything. "I'm here for you. And I'm here for Zuko too. I hate this. I hate seeing people who love each other fall apart."

"Yeah, well, I need to live with some sort of dignity. I respect myself, even if Zuko doesn't."

"He respects you, Mai."

"No!" Suki was astonished by the force of Mai's declaration. Her eyes widened and she sat back in her chair. Mai's cheeks flushed pink and she shook with rage. "Lies and deceit and neglect are not part of respect. He's too wrapped up in himself to even see what he's done to our relationship. I deserve better." Mai relaxed then, relieved of the burden she had carried for weeks.

"You're right, Mai. You do deserve better."

Somehow a lighthearted conversation, a pleasant cup of tea with a friend, had become a revelation. Somehow, a relationship once full of promise had withered and death was imminent. A quiet sadness hung over the table now.

Mai poured herself another cup and gazed out the window. She was exhausted and she'd said more than she intended. But she felt lighter too and better able to face her tomorrow. For that she was grateful.

"Thank you."

The words were a whisper, but Suki felt their sincerity. And _she_ felt lighter too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~00000000000000000~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Night calmed Mai. She likened herself to those nocturnal creatures, the ones that hunted and lived and loved while soft, cool blackness draped city and country alike. So when dark blanketed the land, Mai felt at ease. She was home.

The palace gardens hummed with life, night bugs singing out. Bats flew in ebony clouds, swooping with a grace that Mai admired. Busy creatures scurried amongst the shrubs. And owls shrieked, shrill and long, before diving down for the kill.

She walked, a cloak draped casually about her shoulders, hands shoved deep into her wide sleeves. The dark made the mess in Mai's head clearer and the young woman almost believed that everything would be all right. She replayed her conversation with Zuko, an hour old now, over and over and over again, analyzing, deconstructing, rebuilding.

_"__You keep things from me, important things."_

_"__No, Mai, I, I just want to protect you."_

_"__Did the Boiling Rock not teach you anything?__I don't __**need **__your protection." Mai threw the words at her lover, a compact little ball of pain and rage. _

_The Fire Lord flinched at the reminder, recoiled at her vehemence and his smoothly shaven, unscarred cheek turned red, from shame or embarrassment or anger, Mai wasn't sure. __But what __**was **__she certain of these days? _

_Zuko's gold eyes darted quickly as if searching the throne room for words to throw back, something that would save him, make Mai's uncharacteristic display go away.__He found nothing there. But he discovered the courage to face Mai head on, eyes now boring deep into hers._

_"__I won't tolerate your dismissal of me any longer.__I need more. I deserve more. And you, you should __**want **__to give it to me." Mai took a tentative step toward the Fire Lord. __Her voice lost its knife edge and she pleaded. "Why?__Why are you doing this to us?__After everything…."_

_Zuko shook his head distractedly. Was he just as bewildered as Mai, unsure of the motivation behind his behavior? __Was he acting on some weird male instinct to shield, something he could not be bothered to reason his way through and then dismiss? __Was he scared? Agni, was that it? _

_Why not just sabotage their relationship before it turned bad on its own? __Because that's what always happened. Everything good turned bad. Love soured. Warmth slithered away, replaced by something that froze heart and soul. Save yourself the pain. Is that what he figured?_

_"__You're frightened." Mai offered the explanation up. __It made so much sense given Zuko's history.__ "__You're afraid of anything good, afraid to ruin it, afraid that it will leave you behind. You're afraid of us."_

_"__I, Mai, I…" __Words failed Zuko but realization lit up his eyes._

_"__Let it go."_

_He echoed her words, trying them out. "Let it go." _

_Was it that simple? __Was anything? "Try….." _

_"__I'll try." __More conviction in his voice now.__ "__I will." His eyes said more. They spoke of love and longing and anguish, of not wanting to lose Mai._

_She inched closer and cupped his cheek, only for a moment, gave Zuko a tired and hopeful smile. What else could she ask for? _

She'd left him in the throne room then, alone with his guilt and remorse and determination. Mai hoped it was enough. And she hoped that she could trust completely again. Zuko had wounded her with his behaviour, ragged wounds that needed time and care to heal. And their love _could _not, _would_ not survive any further damage.

"Please," she muttered to herself. "Please…."

~~~~oooo~~~~

"Mai, Mai, wait up." Suki ran along the path under the moonlight. "I thought you might be out here."

"Well, you were right."

"So, did you talk to Zuko?"

"Yes."

"Uh, is that all you're going to say?"

"I feel better."

"Are you being deliberately evasive? Come on, tell me more. We're friends, remember." Suki linked her arm through Mai's, an act of sisterhood. "Please."

Mai huffed and slowed her steps before stopping in front of a bench. She gestured to Suki and then the cool stone. "Sit."

The two women remained that way, their silence companionable but charged with Suki's curiosity too.

"Seriously, Mai, will you talk already."

Struck for a moment by the idea that speaking her hope aloud would destroy even the possibility, Mai held her tongue.

_You're being ridiculous. Just tell her._

Wrapping her cloak tight around her body, the air had cooled further, Mai gathered her courage and spoke.

"We made progress." She smiled wryly then. "I guess me and Zuko talking at all these days is progress. But, he listened. And he heard. And I think he sees some things that he didn't see before."

"Still vague," Suki joked, poking her friend with a sharp elbow. "But I'll take it."

"The details don't matter. I haven't lost yet. We're not over yet. That's more than I had this morning."

"I'm glad, Mai. You and Zuko, you fit so well. I can't see either of you with other people."

"There's always being single." The quip fell flat.

Yes, there _was_ that. And being single was fine; but not when the love of your life still lived and breathed and wanted to make things right.

"Just imagine your life without him."

_Peaceful, quiet, stress free…..boring…._

"I don't _have_ to, remember. I don't have to."

"Yeah, I know." Suki spoke soberly now. "It will all work out, Mai."

Mai shrugged. The future was uncertain. That was always true. But right here and right now she had Suki in her corner.

"Thanks…..again." She could do better than that. "You're a good friend, Suki."

"Glad you realize that," the Kyoshi Warrior responded with a wink. "Now, let's go inside and get something to drink, maybe something a little stronger than tea. You could use it."

The pair ambled along the path back to the palace. Once at the entrance, Mai lingered, taking one last look at the night sky. She breathed in deep and sighed.


End file.
